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Over all, very depressed.
3 years ago
Think I'm just over reacting, but when it comes to depression, it kinda just happens.
I felt off-ish last night because we was playing DandD, and I didn't get to really do anything. At all.
Sure, it was kinda fun listening to everyone else's adventures during that moment, but I might as well of not bothered to turn up.
today, I was okay-ish...
My bf lost his face mask, and since I borrowed it before said I lost it. And sure, maybe I did... But... Idk...
I'm just tired for feeling like a punching bag.
And if I say anything, he will just say that "Everything is his fault" and... I don't wanna deal with that.
but, I feel I can take things on the chin for so much until I have to tell people stuff which paints a bad image for that person.
And they are not... They are very nice, and such. But they have a lot of anger in them and I'm very sensitive and suffer with depression.
But what? They can't express themselves?
idk...?
idk...
I wish. I could just commit suicide. And just... be gone from the world.
My main YT channel which has been round for 10 years, is a bust. My bf don't even support it much and want me to end it, to which.. yeah. I feel like not bothering anymore. Because it stopped being fun, really..
Recently I've been slow on commissions... I feel tired...
I just wanna drink a ton of alcohol and just waste away in my bed. To not bother being part of the world because I can't deal.
I don't wanna fight anymore... I'm tired. And further more, I feel that a lot of people don't really care... Thou, messages on here, contradict that... I read them. But, it don't change how I feel when I'm so far gone into the darkness.
Take time to comes back out into the light, only for something to take it away and I have to go find it over again..
I get scared saying anything, because I'm scared of being known as an 'attention seeker'.. which I was called in class by classmates because they would bully me, and I would cry, because I had so much pain within me, that anything bad they could throw at me, I couldn't take... I was to run away home, and did I?... No. I stayed in school, and I then ended up living life in the School Library. That's where I still am, mentally... I'm still hiding... Because I can't take the pain. Yet these days... the pain still finds me.
I don't get a break.
And why should I? I keep thinking it's my destiny to take this on... To be peoples punching bag, and to forever feel the pain.
To make others feel better about themselves, because at least they don't have to feel what I feel.
Idk what to do, or how to feel about things, but days like this. I just want it all to end.
I felt off-ish last night because we was playing DandD, and I didn't get to really do anything. At all.
Sure, it was kinda fun listening to everyone else's adventures during that moment, but I might as well of not bothered to turn up.
today, I was okay-ish...
My bf lost his face mask, and since I borrowed it before said I lost it. And sure, maybe I did... But... Idk...
I'm just tired for feeling like a punching bag.
And if I say anything, he will just say that "Everything is his fault" and... I don't wanna deal with that.
but, I feel I can take things on the chin for so much until I have to tell people stuff which paints a bad image for that person.
And they are not... They are very nice, and such. But they have a lot of anger in them and I'm very sensitive and suffer with depression.
But what? They can't express themselves?
idk...?
idk...
I wish. I could just commit suicide. And just... be gone from the world.
My main YT channel which has been round for 10 years, is a bust. My bf don't even support it much and want me to end it, to which.. yeah. I feel like not bothering anymore. Because it stopped being fun, really..
Recently I've been slow on commissions... I feel tired...
I just wanna drink a ton of alcohol and just waste away in my bed. To not bother being part of the world because I can't deal.
I don't wanna fight anymore... I'm tired. And further more, I feel that a lot of people don't really care... Thou, messages on here, contradict that... I read them. But, it don't change how I feel when I'm so far gone into the darkness.
Take time to comes back out into the light, only for something to take it away and I have to go find it over again..
I get scared saying anything, because I'm scared of being known as an 'attention seeker'.. which I was called in class by classmates because they would bully me, and I would cry, because I had so much pain within me, that anything bad they could throw at me, I couldn't take... I was to run away home, and did I?... No. I stayed in school, and I then ended up living life in the School Library. That's where I still am, mentally... I'm still hiding... Because I can't take the pain. Yet these days... the pain still finds me.
I don't get a break.
And why should I? I keep thinking it's my destiny to take this on... To be peoples punching bag, and to forever feel the pain.
To make others feel better about themselves, because at least they don't have to feel what I feel.
Idk what to do, or how to feel about things, but days like this. I just want it all to end.
Don't give up Lulu, whether you can see it or not, there are people out there who will miss you dearly.
They say I can come back if I wanted to... But, I know deep down it's because no one can help me...
Good luck.
Ultimately, I don't know you well enough to banish the darkness that seems to be hovering over you, and my only real tie to you is an appreciation of your art, but that is at least enough for me to say I genuinely appreciate you being around, and your works have brightened my day when I see them. And, as someone who has had at least some experience with dark moments in the past, I urge you to seek professional help if you can and have not already done so. You deserve a shot at happiness, same as everyone else, and while therapy and antidepressants aren't magic, they can give you the boost you need to get your baseline out of the gutter.
I felt the same way of joining something only to do nothing, i was just there. I'd like to do something, but i felt pushed away as if i don't exist.
Sometimes life may put you down, but there is always hope to lighten up our days.
You have a gift, talents that are far better than mine. I wish i could help you in some way. All I could do is hope your future will be bright. Im sorry that you're going through this, but i do hope there is someone out there willing to help you fight your fears.
My life has changed a lot since we met, i had no direction in life and... i lost a dear friend already, i don't want to lose another
Despite how it may feel sometimes, you do have people who care about you, and will be there for you if you reach out to them. As someone else has experienced some dark moments, I know that, with some help and support, they eventually pass.
I wish there was something I could do to help you, but all I can say is that there are people hear who are willing to listen to you if you need them to, and that care about you and your wellbeing. I hope things get better for you.
I don't know ya very well, we've only spoken briefly so far, but I still hope you can feel better soon.
My mom suffers of depression, and same is for me, even if in a more easy way about me. So i well understand how you feel in certain horrible moments, but never sweetie, never i will allow you to end your precious life. We all want you here, until the last day, you're a gift of mother nature Lulu. Remember that we are here for you, me too. For a dear friend of your level i will always be ready to help and listen to you. An amazing girl like you with many talents and passions can't let that monster called depression win the battle! You will win sweetie, and we all will make it possible for you, i promise. 💜
I can fully understand that it feels like you've been dealt several bad hands, and it's certainly hard to communicate that or relate it to others. But you're not alone.
I strongly advise that you reach out to those who can help lift this off you. There is hope, and much better things meant for you. I sincerely wish you well.
It sounds like you would benefit from therapy with a therapist if are able to do that. They can really help you work through this stuff and these feelings and help you find ways that work for you to better stand up for yourself so you dont have to feel like a punching bag. No one deserves that and you certainly aren't destined for it. 💕 wishing you the best.
Honestly reading this kinda scares me.. I don't wanna lose my best friend. I'm here if you need someone to talk to or just to listen. I want to help but I'm struggling to know how I can help.
As someone else that was there during DnD I'm sorry too.. I thought you were tired or maybe feeling shy... I didn't realise you feeling that way.. please don't give in to the urges to drink or end it, I'd miss you so much and I know I'm not the only one, there are many who care about you Lulu and just want you to be safe and happy
Depression sucks, we've all been there, but I really hope you won't succumb to it and maybe you should seek out a counselor or therapist to help you climb out of that hole. I'll also say a prayer for you <3
I felt like you felt a long time ago, and listening to friends can help. I was very close to doing something cowardly but was talked out of it by those around me who knew.
You might need a break from something that is stressing you out and just do something for you. Doesn't have to be a fun thing but it has to be something you wanna do.
I got bullied very often and became kind of a coward because of it. my family sees me as a failure, So i turned to the media and started to create my own perfect little fantasy world just in my head (where evryone would adore me like a hero), But even in that world a dark cloud showed up in the sky.
I rejected reality and started to fear people i did´nt know.
Now i even lost the interest in making my own movie.
Evrything sucks for me now !
I don´t say that pretending the real world don´t exist makes you feel better (can´t recomend it).
It used to work for me, But at the other hand at what cost!
just don´t take live to serious.
I feel sorry for you and hope you get better, take care!
And meds can really help. You won’t become a different person, you just won’t feel hopeless or like you’re sinking in quicksand.
I know that some of these things we comment sound like booktext sermon, but we do worry about you, and I wanna stress this out: you're NOT an attention seeker. If you can take a deep breath and let that sink in, please. You don't need to take that extra weight.
Something a dear teacher once told me: "You're a bit 'too' empathic, like me. We suffer more than most people because of that.", and I kind of expected her to keep going with a "but" and a positive note. Yet she just nodded, and I immediately understood "you're not alone".
Please do seek help, talk about it all you need to talk about it, say whatever you want to say, you don't have to be nice, this is about you.
I'm sorry you was bully when you was younger. V.V Have you sat down and talk to your bf or your family about this at any time? You said: You wish. You could commit suicide. drinking alcohol till you waste away....I think your cousin would be sad you even though about doing anything like that. Sorry for bring her up. But after her loss you depression kick back in stronger.
You don't have to be scared to say anything!!!! You are YOU!!! SPEAK YOUR MIND! BE YOU! DON'T BE QUIT !
The world isn't a library you have to hide in! You have to start fighting back!!! Your sweet , kind, work hard, have a wonderful voice, caring ... so many other thing! It's never easy to fight back But even the the nicest of angels have to fight to get to the peace and heaven they want.
We all go to keep on moving, weather like it or not. It not our time yet. We still have so much to do here!
Take care
Don't say that!! You scare me everytime you say you're going to kill yourself! Please for the love of Primus don't do it!!