I think I agree with you here. Great visuals so far, love the camera movements as well, it sets the VN apart, but the dialogue is.... something.
Originally I thought his grandparents calling him "MC" was placeholder text, but when I realized it was his initials, it makes the entire conversation...weird.
At one point Maru says "In the media I've consumed..." and that is just the most unnatural way to put it. His inner world should illuminate his personality to the audience, and the way he speaks in his own head is like a robot or an alien.
I won't say anything about the visuals/VAing as its still in progress, but definitely they need to focus up more on the writing.