The Letterbox
Being a Thursday Prompt Play in one Unnatural Act
© 2025 by Walter Reimer

Prompt: extraterrestrial



ACTORS IN THE PLAY:
SHAWN, a young golden retriever
LUCILLE, his mother

ANNOUNCER: Tonight, the Crispy Crunchy Crumpets Company, makers of WheetyLix Cereal and MooJuice, presents another thrilling episode of X Plus Two!

(orchestral music rises, with associated theremins)

ANNOUNCER: Tonight, X Plus Two presents a thrilling play by Some Twit entitled, THE LETTERBOX!

(orchestral music, with theremin solo)

(GRAMS): (door slamming)

SHAWN: Hey Mom! I’m home!

LUCILLE (off mike): That’s nice, honey. Could you get the mail for me, please?

SHAWN: Sure, Mom.

(GRAMS): (sound of metal flap creaking open; papers rustling; metal flap closing)

SHAWN: Hmm, we’ve got the power bill, the water bill, the gas bill – hey Mom, Bill’s coming for dinner!

(GRAMS): (door opening, closing)

LUCILLE: Oh ha ha. Give me those.

(GRAMS): (paper tearing; papers rustling) Yeah . . . uh huh . . . Hmm, what’s this pamphlet?

SHAWN: Pamphlet? What’s it say, Mom?

LUCILLE (reading): Okay, it starts ‘Are You READY?’

(GRAMS): (paper rustling)

LUCILLE (reading): ‘We are coming for you. We are inhabitants of the Planet Dhgavixneh, and our space fleet even now is in orbit over your world. We have a wonderful plan for your worthless lives.’

SHAWN: (laughs) Sounds like a Halloween prank.

(GRAMS): (single chime)

SHAWN: More mail? I’ll get it.

(GRAMS): (footsteps; sound of metal flap creaking open; papers rustling; metal flap closing)

SHAWN: Um, Mom?

LUCILLE: Yes, Shawn?

SHAWN: It’s . . . another pamphlet. (reads) ‘This is no joke. We are coming for you. We have already wiped out your government – ‘ Mom, turn the TV on!

(GRAMS): (rapid footsteps, click; static)

LUCILLE: There’s nothing. Does the pamphlet say anything else?

SHAWN: (reading) ‘ – Already wiped out your government because they refused to meet with us. Representatives of the Planet Dhgavixneh have landed, and one will come for you.’ Mom, I-I’m scared.

LUCILLE: Me too, Shawn. Who are they, and what could they want?

SHAWN: I don’t – Mom! There’s something at the Baker’s door, across the street!

LUCILLE: Crouch down, Shawn, so it can’t see you. What does it look like?

SHAWN: It’s – it’s got four legs and four arms . . . and no head I can see . . . Wait a minute! Mister Baker’s opened the door!

LUCILLE: Oh, Ron, no . . .

(GRAMS): (explosion)

LUCILLE: (screams) What was that!?

SHAWN: It . . . it killed Mister Baker, Mom, and blew up the Baker’s house. It’s walking up the street to the DiStefano’s now. Ah!

LUCILLE: What?

SHAWN: There’s one coming up the sidewalk on our side of the street! It’s turned – it’s coming up the walk!

LUCILLE: Shawn! Get away from the window! We’ll hide in the kitchen! Come on!

SHAWN: Okay!

(GRAMS): (running footsteps)

LUCILLE (breathless): Okay, we’ll hide in here. It can’t see us from here.

(GRAMS): (rasping noise)

LUCILLE: Shawn! What are you doing?

SHAWN: Getting out your butcher knife, Mom. I’ll protect you.

(GRAMS): (doorbell)

(ominous orchestral sting; theremin)

SHAWN: (whispering) It’s at the door!

(GRAMS): (doorbell)

LUCILLE: Hide, Shawn! Don’t let it see you! Maybe it’ll go away!

(GRAMS): (doorbell; knocking)

LUCILLE: Oh, God . . .

(GRAMS): (knocking)

SHAWN: Leave us alone!

(GRAMS): (knocking)

LUCILLE: (screams) GO AWAY!

(GRAMS): (knocking)

(theremin music, repeating the earlier orchestral sting)

ANNOUNCER: That was THE LETTERBOX, written by Some Twit and presented by the Crispy Crunchy Crumpets Company. Shawn was played by Billy Frost and Lucille was played by Beatrice Grey. The producer was hired from the local homeless shelter.

(music rises again, then fades)