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Chapter 11

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The animals in scouting uniforms and the full bear bands in red uniforms that ended up half-naked from watching TADD were now taking a hike through a special place known as Fife-Eche Forest, which can only be accessed through a special trail connected to Wonder Park, the city’s famous park made in honor of the Marching Wonder himself, Leo the Tiger.  (The tiger kindly guided the way to the forest.)  It helped them calm down since some of them felt a bit grouchy from waiting in line just to say a few words and then leave, but none of them had complained.  Playing the music and seeing how the forest’s nature and wildlife appreciated it made them feel so much better.

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181. Meanwhile, our duties continued, beginning with four more Dalmatians that all came from wealthy families, and each one was a Broadway performer, making it another first for us.  Here, though, they made it easier on us by appearing in the fancy black tuxedo with bowtie, and one had a top hat.

182. Four more Dalmatians wearing the fancy black tuxedo with bowtie, but they were all jazz drummers.  They also had experience performing for the orchestras providing the music for the Broadway shows the four actors had appeared in.

183. Four white lions wearing the fancy black tuxedo with bowtie, one of which had a top hat.  They were orchestral percussionist that later learned how to play jazz drums, although the one with the top hat liked the conga drums the best.

184. Four more white lions wearing a fancy tuxedo with black bowtie.  Two had a black tuxedo, while the other two had a white tuxedo.  The four were also wealthy philanthropists; each one also founded a charity that sought to get the homeless off the streets and stop begging.

185. Seven white lions wearing patriotic drum major uniforms.  Three of them used red as the color of the epaulettes, although they had gold stripes across the best, while three others used silver epaulettes, and the last one used gold epaulettes.  Five didn’t have any headgear, but they were waiting for the stores to re-stock.  One lion wearing red epaulettes had a peaked cap with the US Presidential eagle logo on it, while the last one (one of the lions with silver highlights) had a shako matching the design of Uncle Sam’s hat (with no plume).

Every lion had a snare drum on him, but to help keep the balance of sound to the best of their ability, three lions played a football snare drum, two had a corps-style field drum, and the other two had a military field drum.  One of these two was the designated drummer of honor, and he chose another march I wasn’t familiar with, “Them Basses.”

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Then we saw more large groups of scouts arrive, so we put them on the list of large group gatherings, since CNG had got to them all at once.  Again, the scoutmasters were not included in these numbers, but they were present.  (In case I didn’t mention the reason why, the scoutmasters did not experience the transformation on the same day as the cub scouts.  Also, the scoutmasters on the numbered lists are not the same scoutmasters as the ones here.)

All the cub scouts here were bears divided into three units, but the first unit consisted of brown bears, while the last two had a mix of bears.  The 650 brown bears wore the traditional hat with their uniforms.  The first unit of grizzly bears, totaling 1,250, wore blue garrison caps.  The third unit, which was a mix of black, brown, and grizzly bears, had different headgear, but they all came from the same city, so we counted them as one unit.

The third unit, with 1,500 bears altogether (with 500 bears of each kind mentioned), decided to have the black bears wear the traditional hat, while the brown bears wore a garrison gap, and the grizzly bears wore baseball caps.

The large groups took longer than we wanted, so we stopped afterwards and resumed the next day.

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186. The next day, we picked up where we left off, starting with four brown bears wearing patriotic drum major uniforms, all playing the corps-style field drum.  The first bear had a shako patterned after Uncle Sam’s hat, while the other three had a peaked cap; one used a maple leaf on his cap (because his family was a mix of American and Canadian citizens), while one used a single gold star, and the third used the flag on his cap.

The bear with the flag on his cap played as the drummer of honor, and his march of choice was “Blaze Away.”  (It was the first time I had ever heard it.)

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187. Two more bears in patriotic drum major uniforms.  One had a peaked cap with red and white stripes going horizontally while the other had a shako with no plume, but with the red and white stripes displayed vertically.  Both bears used a blue shield with silver star on it as the logo.  Both also played a military bass drum in the parade.

188. Four Dalmatians wearing a business suit and tie; they were jazz drummers.  One of them wore glasses.

189. Two Dalmatians wearing a fancy black tuxedo with bowtie.  One of them wore a top hat.  They were also jazz drummers.

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190. Four German shepherds wearing police uniforms.  They specialized in police detective work for their respective cities: Chicago, Los Angeles, San Diego, and Atlanta.

191. Four more German shepherds in police uniforms, although one’s uniform was customized to have sections of it use Army battle camouflage.  (The dog had served in the U.S. Army for five years, and then transitioned into law enforcement.)  “It was that system glitch,” he said.

The other three dogs wore the standard police uniform with black tie, and each had a peaked cap.  The third dog found he could grow wings, and then make them disappear as needed.  “I’ve heard of air support,” he said, “but this is ridiculous!  I prefer to keep my feet on the ground.”

“You’re stuck with it,” said the C.I.D.F. soldier, “so all you can do is make the most of what powers you’ve been given.  How long have you been serving, by the way?”

“I’m in my sixteenth year.  I sometimes fly the helicopter.”

“The chief of our force often congratulates officers that put in a good long time’s worth of service by saying that they earned their wings,” said the second dog, “because he used to be an Air Force pilot.  Now Bobby here has earned his wings…literally.”

“CNG didn’t have a sense of humor and took everything quite literally,” I said to Bobby.  “It didn’t understand your chief was only making a joke, even if nobody got the joke but him.”

“I guarantee you I didn’t,” said Bobby, “but then again, nobody, including me, was counting on having their humanity taken away from them.  What I was worried about was the scare factor CNG had tried to put into all of us.  Some people would see me as the German shepherd with wings, and they started running for their lives and started spreading rumors they would never have any privacy again.  You know that’s not the true.”

“CNG is to blame for that one as well, but the people still owe you an apology for spreading rumors.  That’s how we see it anyway.”

“I do agree with you there.”

Eventually we got Bobby to feel better about the whole thing.

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192. Two tigers that worked as security guards for CSB, or Centuryburg Security Bank; they wore their work uniforms for this.  “You can never let your guard down,” the second one said, “but nobody has ever even tried to rob our bank.  I had to remind myself CNG killed people just for thinking about it.  What if they were to change their mind?”

“That’s what upsets us the most about CNG before its eventual 2022 suicide,” the C.I.D.F. soldier replied.  “It never gave anybody a second chance.”  He held up a CNG reasoner that T2 had invented.  “This device here from Techno Tiger is how we know these things; it revealed all secrets such as that on top of the autopsy.”

“How did you know that there were people planning to rob it?”

“The bank president is friends with the man that performed the autopsy,” said the first security guard.  “He relayed the messages on to us.  He even asked, ‘Did humanity really sink that low?’  I didn’t think so.”

“I’m going to take a guess and say it failed to take the second law of thermodynamics for what it really says,” I said.  “Yes; it’s true that the universe is gradually deteriorating, but not at the rate CNG claimed it was.”

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193. Four tigers working as fast food employees, although they wore t-shirts and blue jeans before appearing before us.  In their specific case, the CNG smugglers were angry about the staff getting their orders wrong, and for the lead smuggler, it was the sixth consecutive time it happened.  “It always happened on days when I was not there, because I was off or I got sent home early,” said the first tiger.  “On the seventh time they dropped by, I was there, as were they, and the smugglers announce they are going to destroy the building with all of us inside.  Then, it happened.”

“Was there damage to the building?” Dark Wolf asked.

“Strangely enough, there wasn’t,” said the second tiger.  “All it did was glow brightly, and the next thing we knew, we had turned into what we are now, and they were dead.”

“The moral of our story is that there is no reason to behave like that, but there’s also no reason to go to a place if you’re not someone that likes the food we cook,” said the third tiger, who was now the general manager of his store.  (They were all Whataburger employees; they went ahead and let us say this because of this story.)  “If you don’t like tacos, don’t go to Taco Bell!  If you don’t like our burgers, don’t go to Whataburger!”

“Too lazy to cook or go grocery shopping?” I guessed.

“You guessed it, boss.”  (The manager had a habit of using the word “boss” instead of saying “sir,” “pal,” “buddy,” or another term in that regard.  Here, though, we took it as him acknowledging me as the commanding officer.)

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194. Three bobcats dressed as cowboys of the Old West.  Each one held a rifle they used to protect themselves.  Each one also lived in the Wild West-themed district of Wildcat City known as Horseshoeville.

195. Four more bobcats dressed as cowboys of the Old West, but their hometown was Hicksburg, Texas, so they knew the Fab 5.  “We’re so glad to see Cody changing for the better, since we were getting worried about him when he was going gun crazy,” they said.

“Well, don’t forget,” I replied, “that the most dangerous weapon of them all is your mouth, or your hands if you’re writing it down or typing it.  That’s what got him in trouble to start with, and ultimately him doing that bass drum routine we don’t do now, because we have the White House of Shame located in Greenland, so we use that instead.  If it makes you feel better, though, the C.I.D.F. here revealed to the state government how CNG was controlling him like a puppet, and then investigations confirm he had never actually taken a life.  He’s now exonerated of any possible wrongdoings.”

“That does make us feel so much better,” said the fourth bobcat.  “What surprised me the most was seeing him catch up to the times; I figured he’d never stop living off the grid.”

“His explanation was that the weather was making it impossible for him to do so, so he gave up.  Now he lives on a much smaller ranch with electricity and the works.  He doesn’t mind.  By contrast, we have Nickelback Nathan, head of the Nickelbacks down in GVS, and he still lives off the grid.”

“That would have been my next question.  Once the Nickelbacks came to Hicksburg since they were helping chase down an escaped convict, and I remember Nathan asking Cody, ‘Have y’all gone nuts and turned traitor?’  Or something like that.”

“What did Cody say?”

“Something along the lines of ‘Only because that durn weather forced me to do so.’  He made a wisecrack about it.”

Some of us chucked at the line, and then I said, “Yep; that’s Cody.”

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196. Four white lions dressed as cowboys of the Old West; they came from GVS.  Hearing the bobcats’ story, one of them said, “That’s just like Nathan to say something like that!”

“I think he’s more stubborn than Cody is, because he doesn’t understand technology or the future we live in,” another commented, “but let’s be honest.  GVS is helping to make our world a better place because he’s in it.”

“I agree,” I said.  “Nathan’s a joy to talk to; look up the term ‘Southern gentleman’ in the dictionary and you’ll see his picture next to it.”

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197. Three wolves in red drum major uniforms, each playing a different sized football bass drum.  The first two had gold highlights and the red pants to match, but one wore a shako  with a white plume on it, using a tribal arrowhead as the logo, while the other had a red plume with a golden eagle as the logo on his shako.  The third wolf wore black pants instead of red, silver highlights, and a shako with no plume.

198. Three wolves in blue drum major uniforms, one of which had ended up half-naked from watching TADD.  He and one other wolf wore a blue jacket with silver highlights and the pants to match, while the other told used gold epaulettes and silver stripes.  The wolf that was half-naked at first played a military field drum in the parade, while the second wolf played the trumpet, and the wolf with gold epaulettes played the Sousaphone.

The wolf that ended up half-naked also revealed he belonged to the group of animals that had digitrade feet upon the competition of the transformation, but now, his paws were plantigrade.  “Am I correct to say this was not the case for all the animals?” he asked.

“You are,” the C.I.D.F. soldier confirmed, “because the bear is the animal that ended up in this circumstance the most.  Of the other animals we spoke to that ended up half-naked as you did, some were plantigrade the whole time.  Only a few from each wave ended up digitrade at first, but because CNG told itself it made a mistake, because it said variety was a bad thing, it made that change afterwards.  All we ask of you is to not let it bother you.  Instead, stand tall and stand proud, because let’s be honest; you earned that uniform.”

“Yes, sir.”

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199. Three lions wearing black drum major uniforms with silver highlights, none of which had a shako.  They specialized in the melodic percussion instruments such as the xylophone, vibraphone, or marimba, and each one played a few jazz numbers with the wolves to show it.  One lion took one of the concert snare drums to show that he and his fellow musicians were capable of that also, and he played “Downfall of Paris” while another lion played the melody on the xylophone.

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200. Two red foxes wearing orange drum major uniforms with silver highlights.  Both were half-naked originally as a result of watching TADD, and both also stood on digitrade paws at first, although they were now standing on plantigrade paws.  Neither one had any headgear.  The first usually played the French horn, and so he played the marching French horn in the parade, while the other played the trombone.

201. Three red foxes in purple drum major uniforms with silver highlights.  They played the alto, tenor, and baritone saxophone in the parade.  The foxes with the alto saxophone and tenor saxophone wore a purple shako on their heads with a silver fox’s face as the log, and a purple plume, while the fox with the baritone sax didn’t have any headgear yet, but he revealed he was going to wear the same shako.

The fox then revealed that he and the fox with the tenor sax also stood on digitrade paws at first before becoming foxes with plantigrade paws, but they did not belong to the group animals CNG had made half-naked, even though they did watch TADD in their younger days.  “As a result,” he said, “you can see that I am virtually wearing band shorts instead of full pants, and Tim’s pants don’t go all the way either.”  (Tim was the fox with the tenor sax.)  “But Bill’s do.”  (Bill was the fox with the alto sax, and indeed, he wore the full-length purple pants with his uniform.  Tim’s length was in between the full pants and the shorts, while the other fox wore black band shorts.)

“That is crazy,” I said, “but the main thing is you stepped up and got yourselves documented.  That’s what we asked you to do.”

“Why were the smugglers going after you, then?” Dark Wolf asked.

“They weren’t, actually,” said Tim.  “They were going after our dads, because each of our dads is the principal of a different high school, and each one had heard their kids had been sent to the principal’s office, and made the assumption their kids were going to get expelled.  In the end, their kids weren’t in any trouble.  They were simply giving their accounts of what they witnessed when they came across a bullying scene, and they wanted to report it.  Our dads even said, ‘They’re not in trouble.  I just needed to their account of what happened.’”

“The kids’ courage is to be praised,” Bill added.  “They wanted to be nothing like their parents.  So many dumb fathers; it boggles the mind.”

“It does indeed, and it really does go back to the parenting,” I said.  “Tell me; are those kids still human?”

“They aren’t.  I think they turned into timberwolves afterwards.”  Bill then turned around.  “Oh, they’re right behind us.”

“And it looks like after them and the other animals we can see, this wave is finished,” the C.I.D.F. soldier announced.  “We made it, everybody!”

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202. There were multiple groups of animals we could see, but they were indeed the last ones to be documented to complete this eighth wave.  The first six were the timberwolves in question, and they clarified for us what was going on with the bullying scene.  Each one wore a green drum major uniform with silver highlights, and a shako with green plume, and a silver paw print as the logo.

As for the instruments they played, one had a soprano saxophone on him, and so he and the foxes played a selection for us afterwards.  (It was a medley of Irish tunes.)  One played the marimba in the pit section of his high school marching band, but he marched in the parade with a football snare drum.  The third wolf played the trumpet, and note that he also wore glasses.  The fourth wolf played the trombone, the fifth played the flute, and the sixth also played in the pit, but he marched with a bell lyre.  (This is a type of glockenspiel you play when you march.)

203. A polar bear wearing the same green drum major uniform with silver highlights and shako.  He played the Sousaphone in the parade.

204. Four raccoons wearing the same green drum major uniform with silver highlights and shako.  One played the clarinet, another played the marching French horn, and the third played the trombone.  The fourth raccoon was another case of being a pit musician that normally played the marimba.  When marching in the parade, though, he also played the bell lyre.

“Did you know that was Leo the Patriotic Lion’s main instrument once upon a time?” Dark Wolf commented.

“I did not, but I do now,” said the raccoon.  “I usually picture him beating his drum or at the piano.”

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While the story doesn’t end here, you can start celebrating, folks.  The list is complete!

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TO BE CONTINUED