Chuck E. Cheese Is Evil and You Suck For Liking It

DISCLAIMER: Absolutely no animals or children were harmed in the making of this document.

All characters are fictional and depicted as 18+ years old.

I absolutely do NOT support alcohol and drug use, racism, problem gambling or any other harmful and/or illegal activities. This document is for entertainment purposes only.

Also, if you're a parent, don't ever take your kids to Chuck E. Cheese. It's dangerous.

Chuck E. Cheese (A.K.A. Suck E. Cheese, Mick E. Mouse, Deadl E. Cheese, Dais E. Duck, Fred E. Fazbear's or Yuck E. Mess) is a horrible children's pizzeria for babies, Rugrats and little kids. No offense to the entertainment center's demographic, but still. Since the 1980s, many parents have become more permissive towards their children due to this restaurant. I don't blame Chuck E. Cheese. I blame the parents who thought it was a good idea to take them there in the first place. Experts argue that parents spoil children by prioritizing the arcade's instant gratification, but most arcades appeal to adults and offer positive social and cognitive benefits when enjoyed in moderation. Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre is not one of them.

Chuck E. and the rest of Munch's Make Believe Band–save for Helen Henny, a tough girl–are famous for their work in their antichrist showtapes (known as CEC TV from 1991 to 2012). Chuck E. is extremely popular with little kids and some Rugrats, but his arcade games, kiddie rides and showtapes only encourage little kids to piss off their parents as much as possible. Speaking of which, the showtapes are highly unoriginal and derivative of preschool shows such as Barney and Sesame Street, not to mention how chock-full they are of pop culture references like the latter show. They got even worse by the Cool era (1995-1999), as CEC Entertainment was facing challenges that more or less required them to shift their target audience to the lowest common denominator and compete with preschool shows, if not other preschooler-friendly media. They went so far as to let the evil multi-billionaire corporation known as Disney produce the showtapes from 1994 to 1996.

The family entertainment center is also a common location in Vyond (formerly known as GoAnimate)'s grounded and punishment day videos, especially in "[character] sneaks to/misbehaves at [place] and gets grounded" videos.

CEC TV was cancelled in 2012 due to the death of Chuck E. Cheese and the guy in the suit smoking cigarettes off-set. Shortly after, Chuck E. was replaced by an even worse CGI clone, voiced by Jaret Reddick of Bowling For Soup because of how desperate he is for fame and attention, with a "rockstar" look. Keep in mind that BFS has long been irrelevant and outdated, and when pop punk saw a resurgence in popularity around the late 2010s, people still considered BFS a washed-up group with misogynistic lyrics that appealed to frat boys.

The pizza is disgusting, even though the company claims the pizzas are made to order and prepared fresh in the restaurant, resulting in a unique shape. It is presumed that CEC either recycles leftover pizzas (rumors of which have been endlessly debunked), formerly used frozen mozzarella cheese, puts in questionable additives or all of the above. These may have contributed to their dishes' poor quality. The dough seems to be much thicker and chewier than at other pizza restaurants and the toppings never come off properly when you bite into the pizza. There is no thin crust option, the crust itself weighs a relative ton (and not in that deep dish pizza sort of way) and the toppings are soggy and gross.

Tokens and tickets are all but obsolete today, due to their profitability issues and difficulty in accurately pricing games. The establishment now has a shitty card-based alternative called Play Pass that allows for dynamic pricing based on expected reward and perceived value. It's not cheap and you can't pay whatever amount you want for Play Points or Play Time (e.g. three bucks for 12 points/minutes or $10 for 40 points/minutes), not to mention the PP card's generic, over-corporatized appearance. After all, virtually everything is more expensive these days. However, Play Pass eliminates the need to weigh piles of tickets and track extras, thus eliminating the need for wasteful and inefficient arcade systems.

The arcade games and rides suck, being either crappy carnival games like ring toss, target shooters like Chuck E's Duckies, coin pushers where you put in coins that fall and knock other coins down (an infamous example being the SpongeBob coin dropper), prize redemption games like claw machines that encourage kids to gamble, unsafe kiddie rides that just go up and down as opposed to safer (yet more thrilling and complex) ones or AOTA. They don't focus on the gameplay or reinforce an intrinsic desire for playing at an arcade; they only reinforce desires for immediate gratification and a focus on winning. However, you do get the occasional decent game or ride; three examples include the Mad Wave Motion Theatre, Skee Ball and Super Shot.

In alleged CEC TV showtapes and Chuck E. Cheese Live shows, characters from FNAF and Sesame Street battle Chuck E. to prevent him from taking over the world and children's media. Hidden behind-the-scenes clips show Mister Rogers, Dora the Explorer, Barney the Dinosaur and Blue's Clues. Such showtapes and live shows do not exist in real life.

Characters: Charles Entertainment Cheese is stupid mouse (originally rat) with no culture, morals or ethics, despite the fact that he tries to encourage positive behavior in children with various methods such as his "reward calendars" (which his namesake restaurant introduced back in 2010). He is an evil corporate mascot who hangs out, sings songs and plays games and activities with children. He and his band are best known for torturing said children with their irritating covers of pop songs, their original songs, and yes, even nursery rhymes. They're all obnoxious, generic, lazy, sappy, corny, unsophisticated and just overall garbage. They have virtually zero adult appeal and are too shallow, let alone not substantial enough, to even have any whatsoever. He also sometimes appears during intermissions (often to promote Coca-Cola), which occur in between song segments.

His lessons are overly repetitive and he likes to have parents "let him do the babysitting" for their children, essentially using him and his pizza/arcade restaurant as temporary childcare solutions, when the parents should be directly engaging with them instead. Parents who let him do this are bad role models for their 1-year-old babies, as they would be scared for life.

Chuck E. is notorious for his 1994 arrest following an interview with Oprah on Saturday Night Live, where he revealed his tendency to scare/traumatize young children by promoting gambling to them, which led to his restaurant being temporarily closed as white trash-level entertainment like his required no planning, intellect or critical thinking. Thankfully, the children were safe.

After his return, he started working on new showtapes with Munch's Make-Believe Band for discussing other topics such as "traveling through time in the Awesome Adventure Machine, nursery rhymes, going to school, the ABCs and feeling sad". The entertainment center went up in popularity, while Chuck E. soon became a drug-induced mouse singing all the time and annoying the hell out of parents until they completely went insane. In 1996, Chuck E. began filming showtapes, with the Sesame Street Muppets and Mister Rogers once again beating him up like they did a few years prior.

In 2002, it was reported that Chuck E. was a problem gambler who spent way too much money on tokens at his namesake restaurant. He also planned to make millions off of children by joining forces with Barney, Clifford, Teletubbies, The Wiggles and Sesame Street. CEC TV was still going on, but Chuck E. was becoming even stupider than before. He still sang his annoying songs to little babies and constantly bribed their parents into giving them as many rewards and prizes at Chuck E. Cheese as possible.

In May 2008, many parents officially turned away from Chuck E. because they felt that every 8-year-old kid in society today would never go to his restaurant and/or watch those animatronic shows.

The commercials only focus on him, with his friends–all part of his band–getting next to no screen time in them.

Jasper Tennessee Jowls: Good for nothing, ugly, nasty, stupid-ass, smelly, hillbilly, redneck white trash. His "cutsey" Avenger and Rockstar designs don't even cover up the fact that he's all of the above; even when he's not wearing his cowboy hat, or he takes it off in some artwork, he is STILL a redneck. In fact, there was absolutely zero point in redesigning him and doing so was incredibly pointless. A half-conservative/half-liberal gentleman from Tennessee, Billy Banjo Boggs–or Jasper T. Jowls–is responsible for making all Americans feel misunderstood. His cultural activities include hunting, bathtub repurposing, rounding up cows with his lasso, riding his horse and bashing diversity. Merely coming in on contact with him can give you an irresistible urge to display the confederate flag.

His only purpose is to either tell unfunny, redneck-type jokes or to laugh at them. He is a total lunatic, immature and very dim-witted.

Jasper refuses to have any intelligence whatsoever; he watches sports but never actually plays them, with his "sports" of choice including drinking, chewing tobacco, NASCAR, American "football" (as real football in his country is called "soccer" and is more intelligent than him), etc. He also enjoys the Redneck Games, which his race considers "alternative sports". Jasper was raised around motorized sports like the aforementioned NASCAR and dirt bike racing. He has an unusual urge to drive his rusted truck through mud pits, known as "muddin'". His fascination with motor sports is believed to stem from his birth in an automobile.

Jasper possesses various items such as a rusty wheelbarrow, a pickup truck, a banjo, 12-gauge shotguns, an AK47 and a CB whip antenna. He also has a collection of Elvis 45s, Toby Keith CDs, Lynyrd Skynyrd shirts, flannel shirts and Bass Pro Shops gift cards. He also has a strong stance on movies, bad pseudo-politics and sports, making him the dumbest redneck ever.

Pasqually: An unfunny, hedonistic, greasy-haired Italian stereotype. As an Italian plumber, Super Mario finds it absolutely insulting and disheartening to see this pizza chef's stereotypes be repeated over and over. Unlike Mario, Pasqually is often depicted as overly loud and dramatic, as if every one of his conversations has to be a passionate argument. He is obsessed with pizza and baking to the point of him being shallow and materialistic. He is a terrible comedian, as seen in many Chuck E. Cheese sketches revolving around him.

Pasqually is also the star of his own reality show called "Pizza Survivor" (a kid-friendly spoof of Survivor), where his contestants–Jasper, Munch and Helen–are obnoxious and narcissistic beyond belief and somehow don't even die of starvation. Mr. Munch is so obnoxious, he eats his pizza before 99 days have passed, and gets called out by Jasper and Helen. He ends up losing Pizza Survivor.

His pizza is not the best in the world, as most of it is made with cardboard, creating an "euphoric" effect. I don't know what he's making or what any of the cooks at Chuck E. Cheese are making, but the restaurant's pizza is worse than the cheapest off-brand frozen pizza. Makes Great Value pizza seem as though it came straight from a Sicilian restaurant. CEC pizza has been linked to an increase in cancer and heart disease, but Pasqually denies these claims, stating that he's from Italy and doesn't spit at news interviewers. Bullcrap.

Mr. Munch: An awful DJ and a rip-off of Cookie Monster who is generally viewed as lovable and huggable, but is actually filthy, messy, angry, in denial, unfunny, bitter and cynical. He is known for providing bad comic relief, eating and expressing his anger and frustration with the world, which he considers "shallow and materialistic", out of pure hypocrisy. All he does is eat! He's obsessed with food! He is often aggressive and often runs away to survive, as he can't fit into MRIs.

Helen Henny (1989-2007): A major slut; this is especially true after she was given a new (non-cheerleader) design that was introduced during the Avenger era in 1999. Most likely a sluttier version of Birdie the Early Bird, a McDonald's character, but likable and friendly nonetheless.

She was introduced in 1989, succeeding Grandma Helen, Harmony Howlette, Madame Oink and Helen Reddy. Not a lot of people are aware of the fact that Granny Helen, A.K.A. "Broadway Helen" (you know, the black-haired hen with a comb on her head and a red dress who was part of the franchise from 1983 to 1989), is not, in fact, her granddaughter; she was eventually discontinued after 1988, due to her animatronic design freaking many people out and her clucking getting on their nerves. While there was also a caricature of Helen Reddy who shared the same name as the real Helen from 1977 to 1979 who often spouted inappropriate and risque dialogue that was appropriate for its time… Reddy wasn't the real Helen at all, just a blonde-haired hippie with an acoustic guitar, off-key vocals and a tendency to cluck constantly.

Also known as Helen Junior, Daughter Helen, Young Helen or Little Helen in order to avoid confusion with her same-named grandma, who was a staple of the PTT era, she is the only likable member of Munch's Make Believe Band. Helen Henny is a chicken who is never afraid to ruin her clean image, despite what parents think.

Despite the Make Believe Band and their restaurant's popularity with children, some Rugrats and parents, she absolutely hates her Tux-era appearance–purple bows, a neck collar with a purple flower, a black blouse, a frilly dark pink skirt, black pantaloons, high-pitched vocals, lavender and white sneakers that completely obscure her feet. Unfortunately for Helen, she has a strong foot fetish, so wearing shoes is the most disappointing to her; yes, she finds it more disappointing than anything.

Helen has a lot of boyfriends and imagines that they're snuggling up together like two birds on a feather would. They want to worship her like she's the Lord's daughter. CEC just doesn't want you to know about it.

Like her 1977-1979 precursor Helen Reddy, when she is off-stage, she mostly spends her time drinking and telling jokes with inappropriate/risque innuendos.

During the 2000s, she was known for roleplaying as an elementary school student and a nurse.

"You have reached the emergency room. This is Helen Henny speaking. May I get your name, please?"

Her age is unknown, but she pretty much looks and behaves like a young adult most of the time; other times, she behaves like a jock (and not a stereotypical jock, mind you), going so far as to dress like a cheerleader. Well, she used to behave like one until her second Avenger design was introduced in 2007.

Helen is the only member of Munch's Make Believe Band who hates her job, being forced to wear shoes in all of her music videos/studio appearances and live performances and never being allowed to take them off (because obviously, that would ruin her "clean" image and make parents pissed), having to deal with annoying kids who constantly sing to Chuck E. and his band's lousy mainstream pop tunes.

I could go on about her cover of Taylor Swift's "Love Story" (BLEGH!) going completely against her purpose as a character. This is not the Helen Henny we all know and love.

Helen Henny (2007-present): In 2007, Helen became a hyperactive, completely feminine Genki Girl, well before her 2013 redesign in the Rockstar era, not to mention her voice becoming deeper and older-sounding before Annagray was replaced by Caroline in 2016 (possibly due to the latter's voice breaking). This is not an improvement, and neither is Helen obsessing over video games and shopping nowadays.

Not only is modern-day Helen an obsessive, nerdy chicken who refuses to shut up about video games and shopping, but she also enjoys dancing, drawing random crap that no one cares about and having fun indoors on a rainy day. Again, this is not the Helen we all know and love.

Helen Henny started out in the Tuxedo era following in the footsteps of her namesake grandmother and Harmony Howlette; she was entertaining, smart, calm, quiet, fair, interested in music (which isn't saying much, given that her band has always been horrible), peaceful, open-minded, independent and focused. By the Cool era in 1995, she had evolved into an athletic jock–breaking all the stereotypes of said clique and focusing not just on cheerleading, but caring for her bandmates and exploring other interests beyond cheerleading and fame.

Today, Helen Henny is all but a stereotypical girly girl and an overgrown teeny bopper who always follows trends and has forgotten her passion for cheerleading, more so in the Rockstar era; she also has these forced creative pursuits like art and fashion instead of wishing to engage in sports. She no longer wears her cheerleader outfit as of the Rockstar era, and even during the Avenger era from 2007 to 2012, she almost never wore any of her tomboy outfits in CEC artwork.

Bella Bunny: A Spanish-speaking bunny. The worst character in this overrated franchise. Her girly and overly feminine personality and similarities to Dora the Explorer are not only obnoxious, but she has largely overshadowed Helen and Pasqually since her debut in 2020. With that being said, however, her CGI render is at least decent.

So yeah, screw Chuck E. Cheese, screw McDonald's, screw Taco Bell, screw Wendy's and screw Starbucks.