Pete’s All You Can Eat buffet is where a bird’s belly dreams come true,
well, mine at least. Being less than five minutes away from home, Pete’s
is probably my favorite restaurant. Everything from pancakes to steak,
dining at Pete’s is always a solid choice.

I remember one night when I had a little, um, incident at Pete’s. It
started when I took a seat at a table, ready to eat dinner. The place was
packed, and I took the only table that was available. On the table was a
menu, and I was only able to read it for a few seconds before I was
interrupted.

A waiter came up behind me. “Hi, welcome to Pete’s. What would you like
tonight?” He must have been a new hire because I was a regular customer
at Pete’s and I had never seen him before. He was a slim-build bird with
gray fur across his body and black hands, legs, beak, and talons.

I wasn’t ready to answer him yet, but I asked, “What do you have the most
of right now?” The smells of food in the air started to make me feel
extremely hungry.

The waiter raised an eyebrow, as my request was probably an uncommon one.
“We have plenty of the roasted turkey leg drumsticks that we haven’t
served yet,” he answered, pointing to the location of them on the menu.

“Good, I’ll take all of them.”

He had an uncomfortable look on his face. “All of them?”

*GROAAN* “Yeah, all of them,” I said, holding hand on my growling belly.
The waiter stood beside me with his beak open while keeping his uneasy
expression.

“Is there a problem?” I asked after a few seconds. Sure, eliminating an
entire stock of food during rush hour is troublesome, but a bird eating
bi- oh, never mind. At least I could be eating something that nobody
wants.

He hesitated for a second. “Uhhh, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll be back
soon.” He darted away and I lost sight of him in the crowd.

For every minute that passed, I became progressively more hungry. My
belly was also growling louder and more frequently. The plethora of
smells and the constant sounds of chatter broken up by the clinking
noises of utensils only increased my hunger.

After about 20 minutes, the waiter emerged from the crowd with a large
tray of drumsticks. The tray probably had about 10 or so large drumsticks
stacked on top of it, but I didn’t keep track, and I don’t think the
waiter did either. “For Mr. Swift,” he said while setting the tray down
on the table, “I’ll come back with one more tray.” He dashed into the
crowd again, quickly dodging people and chairs left and right.

I wasted no time and immediately chowed down on the drumsticks. I had
eaten two drumsticks when the waiter reappeared from the crowd holding
another tray. “Here are the rest of them. Enjoy,” he said, watching me
eat and keeping his uncomfortable look on his face.

I was too busy chewing and swallowing to thank him, but when my mouth was
free to talk, he had already left. I then resumed eating again, sinking
my beak into each drumstick.

A while later I finished the first tray, and my tummy was quite swollen.
It felt soft when I poked my finger into it, which meant that I still had
room for more. Then suddenly, despite my best efforts to hold it in:

*BAAARP* The chattering came to an abrupt halt. It didn’t take me long to
realize that all 50-or-so diners were staring at me. My face turned blood
red from embarrassment. “Excuse me,” I said with a shaky voice. The
silence continued for a few seconds, then went back to normal. When the
chatter returned, I set the empty tray to the side and placed the second
tray of turkey drumsticks in front of me.

I could tell that I was filling up, as I slowed down with each bite. I
could feel my large belly push outward with every chew and swallow. I
persevered, though, and before I knew it, I had finished eating each and
every turkey drumstick. My belly was up against the table, pushing it
away from me. I lifted my oversized stomach and carefully plopped it onto
the table, trying not to break it with such force. *GLOOORP* I rubbed my
bloated tummy in all directions to curb the gurgling: side-to-side, then
up and down. I’m not sure how long I spent rubbing my belly, but it was
probably for about 10-15 minutes. Without warning, the waiter emerged
from the crowd again.

“How was your meal, Mr. Sw-“ He stopped to take a gaze down at my
protruding abdomen laying on the table, hearing it rumble as I try to
soothe it.

I was caught off guard, but I kept my composure. “It was delicious, thank
you,” I answered, “the turkey legs hit the spot,” I patted my bulging
belly a couple times.

Well, two large trays of those roasted turkey leg drumsticks are gonna
cost you a, uh, meaty thirty thousand dollars.” That gut-wrenching
sentence silenced the crowd again.

I slowly stood up out of my chair. (How did I not break it with my
immense weight?) My belly wobbled around like a fish out of water.
“Thirty thousand dollars, huh?” I said with a smirk and a quirky idea in
my mind.

“Well, just, I -“

I cut the stammering bird off. “I don’t think thirty thousand dollars is
a fair price,” I said with a sly voice.

“I know, but-“

Knowing that the whole crowd was tuning in to the conversation, I turned
to the other diners, my belly wobbling a bit as I moved. “Hey everyone,
do you think I should eat this guy?” I blurted out while nearly laughing.

The room immediately echoed with cheers, hollers, and whistles. I
couldn’t believe it; the diners fully supported my peculiar idea. In
fact, they even started chanting “Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!” I no longer
felt embarrassed about stuffing my stomach in front of a crowd of people.

“Alright, alright, thank you!” I shouted over the rowdy diners, silencing
the room again. I turned back to the waiter.

He was just as shocked as I was, moving back a couple steps with his eyes
and beak wide open. Amidst the silence, someone in the crowd quickly
shouted “DO IT!” in a raspy voice.

My dark side kicked in. “Well, I guess it’s settled, then,” I said with a
sly smirk. The waiter quivered in fear, letting out a large gulp as he
swallowed. I licked my beak. “Don’t worry,” I told him, “I think you’ll
taste quite…meaty.”

Using both hands I grabbed the thin, light-weight bird by his sides. I
hesitated for a few seconds as I watched him tremor in my grasp. Then, I
slid him head-first into my beak. The audience gasped, followed by a few
hollers and claps to cheer me on.

I swallowed him in increments, working from his head down. Swallowing the
head was a bit difficult, as the waiter’s legs and body were squirming
upside-down in mid-air. *GULP* Next was the slim body, which was the
easiest part. *GULP* My already-plump belly was starting to get getting
larger with most of the waiter inside it. The last part of him was his
floundering legs and talons, which took me a bit to gulp down. The
crowd’s “Eat him! Eat him!” chant returned, giving me the last bit of
encouragement I needed. At last, his talons were fully inside my beak. I
took one final gulp to seal the deal.

*GUUULP* The chanting stopped and the silence returned.

With a big jolt that nearly threw me off balance, the waiter expanded my
stomach even further. His body created large bulges in my gut, which
followed his wiggling body. He yelled a couple times, but the fat around
my gut dampened his voice to just murmurs. He gave up yelling and
squirming soon after, admitting his inevitable fate.

The crowd erupted with cheers and whistles, then back to the normal
chatter and utensil clinking.

I remained standing there for a few minutes, rubbing my belly’s bulges
that the waiter created. “You’re not the only bird in there, you know,” I
taunted. “Pretty soon, you’ll be nothing but sludge and pudge inside this
gut of mine.”

It was getting late and I decided to leave, except I had one problem. The
exit was far away, and getting around the crowd of people with an
oversized stomach would be difficult. Unless…

“Hey, everyone,” I called, bringing the crowd’s attention back to me, “I
just wanted to say, I appreciate you cheering me on earlier.” Several
people clapped and cheered. “I need to go home and digest this guy. But
right now,” I lifted my belly to show it off, “I can’t move around very
well. So, if it’s possible, can you make a path to the door for me,
please?” I dropped the grip on my belly and let it bounce around.

Almost immediately, the diners in between me and the door stood up and
pushed their chairs in. This created a straight line for me to walk
through.

“Awesome, thank you,” I said with smile. “Have a good night, everyone.”
The people in the crowd whistled as I started to leave.

My walk was forced into a waddle, with each step causing my bulging belly
to bob around. Step by step I eventually made it to the door, and when I
did, I heard one last round of cheers from the crowd. I waved my hand and
waddled out the door.

It was quite an event at Pete’s buffet, and to this day, I’m not entirely
sure why a whole crowd of people supported my decision to gobble up the
waiter. And by the way, he did add quite a bit of fat on my belly for a
few days. That waiter was definitely tasty, and so were the turkey legs.
Who replaced him, you may ask? That’s a different story for a different
time, but for now, just know that Pete’s All You Can Eat buffet is a
quite the venue for food…and watching an incident take place.