I saw a train today
And I caught myself wanting
To ride it to your arms
Shed this city and all these hurts and obligations like an old skin
And fly up, through the trees, on silver rails
Sunlight on my face
To you. To you.
I saw it crouching, idle
Growling like a caged beast
Breathing all this to me, words
Full of potential, full of promise
and forgiveness, and peace
And I stood at the crossing,
Felt the weight of my wallet like a stone
Eyed the station, and froze.
I could feel my hearts moorings come undone
I drifted in the heat
I did not belong to who I thought I did.
And I pleaded, oh
For one more moment with you
To ride these humming rails
Up to the sunshine in your eyes
Just the cost of a ticket, the clothes on my back,
And nothing more. And not for me
No. I yearned so
I felt my chest echo that massive engine
Not for me. Not for myself.
I would go just to tell you that you matter
That you’re worth it
That you’re everything to me
And you’re not even mine, oh
How deluded must I be
I shook like the rails, hummed electric, hung my head and
Turned. I put the scene behind me.
Became part of the exiting crowd.
How naive to think you’d want me
To trouble you
And work, my life here, all of it.
Gravel crunched beneath my feet and
I twisted down harder on it.
A whistle like a wounded animal, warping along the buildings
So loud it deafens
That is the sound my heart is making.

I heard its cry as I walked away
Not today, it said. Not today
You lost your chance, just like before
Just like tomorrow, I’m shutting my doors
The baggage is loaded, the passengers pray
For peace in the leaving, for peace on the way
I saw a train today

-crashheart, 2015-2016