COMMISSIONS: CLOSED | TRADES: CLOSED | NO REQUESTS

But maybe I shouldn't have? I feel I got into this years ago for all the wrong reasons. Before I joined FA in 2007, and afterward through my entire university program, I truly felt inspiration left and right to draw new things and continuously learn and improve. Everything I did was not for a deadline, it wasn't to meet a customer's specifications, and it sure as heck wasn't for money. But joining FA planted the seed that I could (with enough practice and effort) make at least some semblance of an income from drawing. So I set out to become the best I could be. And that's where the problems began.

I found myself in an increasingly large pool of talent far better at this than I was. Every line placed with anatomical precision, every stroke of paint seamlessly blended to a fine sheen, every color chosen to near perfectly mimic lighting and shadows. The more I chased down these styles and techniques I saw, the more I saw my own lack of performance and the less I became inspired to do anything at all. How long would it take me to be "proficient and speedy" enough to start taking commissions for what I drew/painted? I saw no end to the tunnel at all, and every huge breakthrough felt like moving less than a nanometer toward my goal. And with that, my inspirations and ideas to draw depleted in tandem. Everything I envisioned in my head never even came close to translating to paper/canvas at all. I hated my lack of skill, and moreover I hated how far off my personal art style was from my intended Disney-esque design style... and it felt like I had zero way of course-correcting.

Art went from being fun, to being a loathsome chore I had no more interest in whatsoever.

So maybe I should simply take my original approach and do things for my own enjoyment, and not care how it looks or who sees it, nor who is/isn't happy with it. Watching TV or online videos doesn't really do much anymore for relaxing, what with the internet and modern media's hellfire incessant hyper-fixation on all things political. I just miss the days of coming home from classes/work and drawing simply to relax and escape. And if something I did just so happened to be somewhat to my liking, I might post it for a small bit of engagement. That's how it used to be.

Maybe I should do that again.