I've done a lot of soul searching recently and tried to figure out where I fit in. I've never really felt like a complete male nor have I ever felt like I'd be completely a female either.

I've always liked dressing up like a woman every now and then but it has been more of a fetish and left me feeling a bit ashamed and empty.

It has taken me years to figure out that my gender can be fluid or queer, not needing to choose one or the other or even put myself in a box. Although this revelation has been relatively new it has already brought me peace and happiness. It's been such a relief to let myself enjoy my feminine side freely without any guilt of feeling less manly, kind of giving myself permission to be what I want to be for once.

It has also been lovely and wonderful trying out what kind of female side I have, and what kinds of things I like and how far will my exploration take me. I'm not quite ready to go out in the world and openly show the female me yet, but I'm firmly working towards it.

I still have fears and doubts if I'll ever be as pretty as I'd like and having been socializing myself as a male for so long I still have lot of insecurities. I still have my male days and male feelings too, which is more than fine. I feel more comfortable as a male now too. Not needing to worry if I'm not meeting up to the expectations of a certain gender.

I've also come to terms with my sexuality too. I've had bisexual fantasies that I've never felt comfortable exploring. Figuring out my gender has helped me to come to terms on my sexual needs too. I guess I'm trying to say I'm coming out as pansexual, with comfort and for real, not just on some fantasy and fetish level.

I guess that's just something I wanted to get off my chest, for the few who might come across this journal. My first steps of coming to a broader audience than my wife. I'm still the same lewd person who has kinks so there will be more fetish art coming in the future when my monetary situation allows it. But get ready for more variety and different sides of Karl.

Sincerely yours,
Karl