.•♫•♬• Ⓣⓗⓔ Ⓑⓛⓤⓔ Ⓛⓐⓩⓤ •♬•♫•.

Laying in bed at 5am here and can't sleep.
So just wanted to put out there it was my birthday last weekend.
It was nice overall. Went out with a couple friends, took a few days off work to relax and process..

But I still felt the absence of someone. The kind that make sleepless nights like tonight harder because that's where all thoughts eventually drain to before disappearing.

I never thought I'd be here at 34. Both situation, and literally. There had been plans in the past but..I always ended up thinking "why not, always next time. Let's see what happens." And truthfully its been a mixed bag. I got a job in my field, living in an apartment, supporting myself like an adult. But at the same time I'm single, rarely see friends if you can call them that, don't get out much especially to cons. And I'm still in an apartment.

The potential to either be a deadend, or the spot where things start to flourish is here. But I don't know which will prevail. And I feel less like the good will happen the longer and harder I struggle to move up in life and find someone whose.. interested. I'm 34. I just want to be serious about it. Not play games. My life is already a game with the things I've been through like stacking debuffs to make my journey harder. I just want something to make it worth it. Someone to make me feel worth it..


Anyway. Gloomy feelings at a sleepless night. Another birthday passed with one less loved person to be there..and I'm just waiting to see my life wilt..or bloom.


https://youtu.be/fSKQRDq3RkM?si=rEPrrCB7X8P4a3Sj
Strangers, from strangers into brothers
From brothers into strangers once again
We saw the whole world
But I couldn't see the meaning
I couldn't even recognize my friends

Older, but nothing's any different
Right now feels the same, I wonder why
I wish they told us
It shouldn't take a sickness
Or airplanes falling out the sky

Do I have to die to hear you miss me?
Do I have to die to hear you say goodbye?
I don't wanna act like there's tomorrow
I don't wanna wait to do this one more time

One more time
One more
One more time
One more time

I miss you, took time but I admit it
It still hurts even after all these years
And I know that next time, ain't always gonna happen
I gotta say, "I love you" while we're here

Do I have to die to hear you miss me?
Do I have to die to hear you say goodbye?
I don't wanna act like there's tomorrow
I don't wanna wait to do this one more time

One more time
One more
One more time
One more time