Man, what a life.

The past two years have been heavy, dragging my sorry ass right through the mud. I've been a health care worker for six years, but I feel like I've been in this industry for over a decade... if I didn't have friends at work and at home, I have no idea where I would be. Besides the obvious pandemmy, I've experienced things that made me realise I absoLUTEly do not want to be a nurse. So, cheers for moments of traumatic realness that shake you to your core.

When I finished art school in 2019, I was drawn to the straightforward way of living that nursing offers. The process of go to uni -> get a degree -> get a job -> work steady shifts was attractive to someone who was faced with real life. Because of my job, I had the opportunity to go to school to be a nurse and be guaranteed a job. I kept telling myself that nursing would provide myself with financial security that would surely soothe the stress hissing in the back of my mind. Teetering on the edge of burnout and depression, I fell into a lull of complacency that working at the hospital supported. And that was BEFORE the pandemic.

Covid came sweeping through, shifting and warping the workspace that was so familiar and comfortable to me. Rules changed every day, the invisible tension from the "what if"s and "when will"s festering and growing like a bottomless black hole in the pit of my stomach. It all came to a head a few months ago, when I went through something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. After all these years, I broke my own fourth wall in a moment where I allowed myself to think "Holy shit... This isn't worth it." The realization lit a fire under my ass that offered Making Art up as a dance partner. So, here I am.

My computer died shortly out of university (RIP big bessy, you worked harder than you ever should have for a fool who knew not your value), so I'm trying to save up to get a rig to make art with again. In the meantime, I dunno. I guess I'm going to try to relearn how to create stuff that I like purely because I like it (something art school did a good job of replacing with guilt and anxiety, ggs) and write. I'd love to move away from working in the hospital and work from home, doing and making what I love.

I hope you and our loved ones have made it through these past two years, truly. Its lovely to be back.