Give me a reason on why i shouldn't kill myself now....now that i lost something so close and dear to me to my fuck up and failures.....why shouldn't i shoot myself, or jump off or bridge, or hang myself?....i know i'll never find true love now because i can't keep or show it....i always fuck things up for every one i know. i know nothing of showing love as my heart is now just a pebble after all the pain and torture i have taken. i've caused so many people there happiness and joy because of my retarded self and failures...my friends say that i'm awesome and a brother to t hem...but all i feel is emptiness and depression...i was given something great for Christmas....a boyfriend who liked the same things i did and helped me make a lot of stuff and get more into the furry community...but ever since that day i fucked up, and all the pain from my family mentally and physically...why am i alive...even tho i know i'll just shoot my brains out tomorrow or later on that week....i got no one to hug....no one to love....no one to save me....just, i want to love others....i've tried to, but all that happened was my heart getting torn apart and stepped on as i was kicked around and used like a pet...i thought myself how to hide my true feelings from a lot of people....and it works a lot, but now....i really don't think i can go on any longer...i really really don't....i..i just want to feel love and hugs irl...not over the fucking internet....