It's official, I've decided to give this place a try. I'll still be on here but if something goes wrong, then I'll have a backup

https://bsky.app/profile/thebigroun.....uy.bsky.social

A new year and stuff. And already I've pumped out two new pics heh. Guess it helps that I've been moving forward with why I do this stuff after getting through my growing pains. No competition, no desperation and stubbornness and no commissions since I'm perfectly fine with my full time job in real life. Just a fun hobby to get my mind of things or to relive stress with comfort art. And properly laying down rules on what characters and scenarios I will and will not do, gotta have standards. But yeah, still planning on doing the usual stuff, maybe a few underwater themed pics as I've been testing that out. I've also had thoughts of opening a Bluesky account. And not just because it's become a site where all the good stuff is lol. Just wanting to test it out, heard it's like Twitter but better apparently, and I figured it could be a nice alternative if I suddenly lose interest with this place. But we'll see how that goes in the future. Oh yeah, been thinking of doing some more stuff with some of my own OC's, just gotta think of some ideas. Already been wanting to make a story focusing on how Bud and Mila first met and eventually became a couple. So yeah, that's it.

Since my mental health is still on the fritz from recent news, I thought I'd try and ramble a bit about some of my favorite scenarios, my thought process in coming up with some pics, and other stuff.

Forest/Jungle - My love for this kind of setting probably originates from some of my favorite games from my youth, mainly Crash Bandicoot. As well as others I've enjoyed for their jungle worlds like Kao the Kangaroo (reboot) and recently Nikoderiko. Lush beautiful trees and bushes and flowers, etc. A nice bit of escapism for something more simple, something more calm and natural. Speaking of which, best kind of scenarios for naked fur themed pics. The sfw kind of nude with furs of course. Just some nice freedom in a more natural setting. Night time is just *chefs kiss* for me. It's pretty much my preferred background with any of my favorite comfort/safe places.

Above the clouds - the perfect scenario when it comes to inflation themed pics. Floating up into the sky, away from all the stress and troubles from the world below. Ascending higher and higher to a place where the sky is clear and all you can see are miles and miles of fluffy clouds. Honestly the best kind of dating place for inflation lol. Much like the previous one, this is another kind of scenario I enjoy for that feeling of freedom.

Bedroom - Yeah kind of an obvious pick. Though my ideas for it is all purely soft porn stuff. Cuddled up with a fat fur or a motherly milf. Honestly there are many times I wish this could be real. After being done with a rough day at work, a nice fat fur all kind and motherly, waiting for your return. They know you had a rough day and as u get settled into bed, they're be right beside you. Snuggled up close to them as they lay down some comforting words, helping you feel safe and loved -///-

Kindness - pretty much my go to preference in personality, so yes, Fluttershy is my favorite pony lol. Ever since I started getting into listening to ASMR vids, my favorites to listen to over and over again are the more positive themed ones. Probably because there are times I feel so alone and having to deal with self doubt and self deprecation that I just need a person to reassure that everything is ok. Pretty much why I love them motherly kind of characters. Someone to relax with and maybe be open for some cuddles.

Fat furs - There's alot of things to say but I'll keep it short and just talk about what my mind usually goes through when doing them. I've usually drawn pics of my fursona being cuddles by a fat fur to help calm down from real life stress and other things. I prefer to keep the style simple, basically, imagine them more like they're oversized plushies heh.

So uh, yeah, that's all I can think of in talking about my thought process in talking about this kind of stuffz.

Don't worry, I'm not deleting my entire gallery. I'm just getting rid of some pics I don't feel comfortable having around anymore. Mostly pics I missed from my previous nuking and art trade pics I did for he-who-shall-not-be-named.

*UPDATE*

It is done. Admittedly a good chunk of the stuff I nuked was from the Scraps section. But there were a number of reasons why they had to go. Cutting ties with someone I used to do art trade pics, some involving a certain style of inflation that I was never a fan of making (not to mention the models being a pain in the ass to cooperate) and ones involving kid characters. These days I've laid down some more strict rules as in, no kid characters being inflated or fattened period, and no kid characters interacting with someone who is being inflated or fattened up, etc.

Meh, still feeling a bit down. I sometimes do a pic or something to try and calm down but recently been fighting with myself on not to rush things. Ironic considering my amateur artwork. And I guess it just got me thinking of how I got here.

Let's just say, I was not in the right mindset when I started to feel comfortable doing fat/inflation stuff. Some standards weren't quite finalized and trying to get attention. And the outcome? A bad attitude and relying on tracing others sketches for too long, mostly from a certain artist. I did mellow out eventually and became less stubborn, taking peoples advice more seriously like nuke the traced stuff so it's just my own work and making peace to those I've annoyed. And myself after thinking long and hard on why I do this. The answer? Just a hobby. No contest, no trying to upstate someone, and not being desperate for money. Just something to do when I'm in the mood. And finalizing the standards with this stuff. Basically soft porn and older characters only. And then I had a habbit of posting a LOT of stuff. I guess I was trying to make up for lost time after wasting years of that tracing stuff. And finding some comfort, like ya just wanna snuggle with a soft fat fur to relax after dealing with a rough day.

Even so, I still deal with some insecurities. Some days I just don't feel confident in thinking I've changed for the better and assume the worst in thinkingpeople still hate me. Now that I'm in my 30's, I fear that my memory is going bad and thinking I'll end up like my uncle. He was a good man and all, but unfortunately he spent his final years with alzheimer's disease until his death a few years ago

Idk, maybe this stress is mostly from work. Been busy filling in for people for quite some time. Will my art get better and be higher quality? Who knows. As I said this is just hobby stuff so I'm not in that much of a rush with trying to do shading and better backgrounds. I have a personal life and other hobbies I enjoy outside of fetish stuff. Some more active than others.

And that's all I have for this random journal that nobody will read. I'm sure I'll be in a more positive mood down the line but right now, I'm just tired.

Stuff at work has been mentally draining on me this past month. Feels like I've been forcing myself in rushing out those recent pics thinking it'll make me feel better, and it's not....

Yeesh, first I leave for awhile and then the whole site gets taken by some random bum. Fortunantly things are getting back to normal. Already made a few pics during the outage, so except a big art dump this coming weekend.

After the recent news and the uncertain fate of this place, I won't be posting any new pics until further notice. Which also means Art Trades are closed. Though I suppose I could finish whatever art trades I still have left and send them via private messaging. And if worse comes to worse, then I guess I'll go into retirement as there's no other place for me to go for posting this kind of stuff.

The July Birthday of this year where I can officially use that one Hans Moleman clip lol

IDK, maybe I'm just losing interest in doing art trade stuff. Me and my rubbish art... I try to keep it to just friends only, it helps to keep things better organized. But I've been dealing with some people where I finish my half almost a year ago, and they have yet to finish there's. One feels like they're just giving me the silent treatment over a lack of responses. And I REALLY don't want to assume things cause usually I just assume the worst. I have a few left to work on but after that, I'll be deciding on either closing Art Trades for a while, or close them permanently.

Guess I feel confident enough to ask this. What do u like about my art?

Just a quick apology to everyone over my bitter and cynical mood over a certain blue Hedgehog. Basically I've always been a fan of Sonic and then certain changes happened which I didn't like and I got carried away being hung up on detail contradictions and bitterness etc. I feel like everyone goes through that phase in this fanbase heh. Course it didn't help that I had a long prejudice against Classic Sonic fans from ye olden days of the 2000's. So now I'm letting all that go. Like I still like the franchise and most of its incarnations like Archie Sonic, AOSTH, etc. I'm just no longer gonna take everything so seriously over changes I don't like. And not be so against Classic Sonic fans. And stop being so bitter, cynical, complaining, etc. It probably won't change some things my past self has done like getting banned from a Discord server and all that, but I've come to terms with it and moved on. Just looking back and despite certain aspects of Sonic no longer being relevant, at least they still happened and they're always there and I can go back and enjoy. And of course doing moar Sonic fetish pics lol. But only when I'm in the mood

Mostly just going through with my New Years Revolution of taking all the angst, grudges, prejudice against Classic Sonic fans, etc. that I've had with Sonic and the fanbase from the late 2000's and 2010's and finally let all that go.

Not much updates on pics, just the usual "posting whenever I feel like I'm in the mood." All drawn stuff, I've lost interest in doing pics in Gmod/SFM these days

I haven't been mentally well for awhile. After getting kicked from a tab on a Discord server and being asked to leave another one for being an ass on Sonic stuff, I've come to realize that this whole, oath of silence, thing has been doing more damage to myself then good. Basically I wasn't a fan of the direction the Sonic games were going in the 2010's and it reached a boiling point after Forces and said I wouldn't play another new Sonic game again. Then over time after taking some things the wrong way, I just decided to never talk about any sonic game that I've played ever again, ones I like, ones I didn't like, or the ones I thought were just ok. Keeping my thoughts more and more private, which only made me more and more bitter, pushing people away, threatening to block those who ask me about Sonic games, etc. Keeping quite about it has only twisted my thoughts into thinking everyone is out to get me over these things and thinking that they're always better than me... and other thoughts like the whole "people becoming more prejudice against all official non-game Sonic media" and so on. Truth is, I have played the newest games like Frontiers and Superstars and such. (Minus Dream Team cause I have android and my Mac OSX is too outdated) I just never bothered expressing my opinions on them and kept the whole bitter grudges act going cause.............. I'm scared... I just don't feel confident in truthfully talking about Sonic games anymore. I always thought that times were more simpler back in the 2000's when it was just the whole Modern vs. Classic Sonic ramblings. Then time moved on, newcomers started to join, opinions got more and more aggressive, especially that one incident on Twitter when someone got their account doxxed, all because they said they were looking forward to the upcoming Sonic Frontiers. Yeah that was one of the reasons I took on that oath of silence cause I thought the same thing would happen to me if I expressed my opinions on ANY Sonic game. Honestly, I've kinda forgotten what my thoughts were on the games I have played after I nuked my old Sonic games Retrospective videos, that and being too long since I played some of them. Now I've just been trying to get some mental help and talking to some friends on Discord to calm down and try to get over this shit, be a better person, and move on. Some said I should just step back from Sonic for awhile, and I'll probably do that while focusing on other games. Got alot of games on Steam collecting dust I should get around to, and of course there's other non-sonic characters to give them the treatment here heh.


Might take some time to fully recover, so I wanted to say I'm sorry for any shit I've done to some people

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10724672/

Yeah, finally gonna take part in this for the first time, now that I actually have some OC's of mine to work with.

We're out here.
What I want to know is where's the Caveman?

Oh yeah, and my Birthday is coming up the 18th. Man, how time flies

And looking back, most of 2022 was dealing with the stains and scars of the past. All the tracing and stuff. Despite trying to move on with my own work, I had some help from some people saying that it's better that I nuke my gallery of the traced images to show that I really have moved away from it all. So I did. So now hopefully 2023 will be more of a full clean slate in sticking with my own work this time, even if I'm still a lousy artist. And maybe I'll make myself a new icon rather than stick with this "void of shame" black square.

I'm not too excited for the new year, I think it's mainly because I'm super paranoid over the fact that I turn 30 in July of next year. Wonder if I'll still be able to do this, and still doubting myself over if I'm a terrible person for doing fetish art. Like I have standards and all that, but I just can't shake this feeling that I'm still a bad person for doing it.

But on a more positive note, I'm planning to have something related to New Years out soon. Something more wholesome this time.

Now if only it wasn't so cold here lol

After talking to some people about it, I have decided to delete every single image that I've traced over. From now on, it'll only be about images that I have made personally and nothing else in my main gallery. It's for the best that I permanently delete all those years of being a fraud and a fake. Constantly tracing over peoples images, mixed with my own art, and screwing people over art trades over false advertising. I mean sure I got permission to trace and color in the stuff form what I remember but fuck it. It's not my own work. I've already hurt people over those things and I can't bare to deal with this burden anymore. I want to apologize to those people and set the record straight on what really happened...

First my apology is for  a-toony-cat. One day we felt like doing art trade so I did my pic first. Since I rarely did my own art back then and relied heavily on tracing, Toony was disappointed over the differences in art quality. Toony said he wasn't interested in doing it anymore and then I got offended over the whole ordeal. This was back in the day when I was desperate for art trades, obsessed over getting free pics for a quick doodle. It's changed now where it's I only trades with friends. Overtime I grew more bitter against Toony over this trivial thing and started making up crap about the guy and wouldn't let it go. When in actuality, all of that negative talk about Toony screwing me over was false. It wasn't he who screwed me over, it was the other way around. I've learned to be more truthful about the art that I personally make and not relying on someone else's sketch as a crutch.

Next, my apologies to  bond750. Memories a bit hazy with this, I think I remember days of pestering him over random crap, editing his pics without his consent, and being an asshole towards him. Like the whole deal over owning The Inflatable Skunk character for awhile and boasting about doing my own take on the character.... which lead to nothing. And it only got worse when I commented on his backstory for The Inflatable Skunk when he got the character back. I came off as egotistical like "Oh my backstory for her would've been better." in which I failed to move on over the character. My take of doing stuff with my own OC's is a bit complicated. I have a different account on DA for non-fetish stuff while this is more exclusive for fetish stuff, and as such tend to keep a strict rule on how to handle them. If I decide to feature an OC in a fetish related pic, then it's permanently stuck on that account. Basically I'm just terrible doing stuff with my own OC's. Motivation rarely strikes me as I'm busy with other projects and real life work. Hence why I was a bit hostile towards Bond back then, now it's not like that anymore. I would like to organize my own OC's on which stays in non-fetish and which stay in fetish content. So far most are just stuck in limbo or in non-fetish stuff. Only OC I felt like doing for fetish material is that stupid ghost dog gal.

An apology for  tofer18 over some things. I think it was more false advertising over my own artwork, pestering him about crap, and being an ass when he offered to give me a free pic in exchange to have The Inflatable Skunk character. If I trashed talked about the guy, it's all false. I'm sure he's a fine guy.

And an apology for  anon06952. I got pissed over him blocking me after pinging him on Discord and trashed talked about him on a server. Again, all trash talk being false, and I later learned that no one likes to be Pinged on Discord. I just wanted to feature this as I never gave him a proper apology and it's been haunting me for awhile. Even if I tend to avoid him these days mainly because I'm scared I'll accidentally press his buttons the wrong way over doing something.

I'm sure there are others that I've hurt though I can't remember off the top of my head. For now, all I can say is I'm sorry for what I did. I just want forgiveness, to show I have really changed over those dark times. And that I am willing to move on to improve and be myself as an artist. I think I had something else in mind to ask but I'm sure it's asking too much. And before people start commenting, don't give me any sympathy, they are the ones who need it, not me. I just want these old wounds to heal and leave the past dead and barried. No more tracing, no more false advertising, no more causing hurt and grief, no more making up false crap about them. Just...... no more...........