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Being the depressed recently single man that I am, I purchased one of the romantically decorated bottles of sparkling cider to drink alone.</p>\n\n<p>Fast forward three hours, I had returned from class, and decided that now was a better time than ever to crack that bad boy open and chug some bubbly goodness. I quickly realized that my ex took the bottle opener when she left, so I dug out a belt I owned with a bottle opener attached to the buckle.\nIn the kitchen, I began prying at the lid with the belt, and after a good half a minute of struggling, it finally popped off.</p>\n\n<p>My moment of victory was short lived, as I immediately noticed something was very, very wrong. My hand was very warm. I look down to see blood gushing out of my thumb, squirting onto the counter, flowing across my hand and down my wrist.</p>\n\n<p>Apparently when popping the bottle cap off of the bottle, I managed to take a chunk of the rim of the bottle with it, which had sliced through my thumb about half way up.</p>\n\n<p>I immediately panicked, clasping my other hand over the thumb, and after realizing that all I was accomplishing was spreading blood around to other parts of my body, I grabbed the nearby roll of paper towels and clenched it as hard as I could to absorb as much blood as possible. It was at this point I was able to grab my phone and make a call to my buddy to take me to the hospital.</p>\n\n<p><strong>TLDR: Tried to be sad alone, ended up being sad in the hospital</strong></p>\n\n<p>Bonus <a href=\"https://i.gyazo.com/808b715d4e91b6a3013713fe053540a0.jpg\">Pic of the scene</a> <strong><em>WARNING: NSFW, BLOOD</em></strong></p>\n</div><!-- SC_ON -->", "selftext": "At the checkout area of my University's cafeteria, I noticed an assortment of couples gifts and other Valentine's Day treats near the counter. Being the depressed recently single man that I am, I purchased one of the romantically decorated bottles of sparkling cider to drink alone.\n\nFast forward three hours, I had returned from class, and decided that now was a better time than ever to crack that bad boy open and chug some bubbly goodness. I quickly realized that my ex took the bottle opener when she left, so I dug out a belt I owned with a bottle opener attached to the buckle.\nIn the kitchen, I began prying at the lid with the belt, and after a good half a minute of struggling, it finally popped off.\n\nMy moment of victory was short lived, as I immediately noticed something was very, very wrong. My hand was very warm. I look down to see blood gushing out of my thumb, squirting onto the counter, flowing across my hand and down my wrist.\n\nApparently when popping the bottle cap off of the bottle, I managed to take a chunk of the rim of the bottle with it, which had sliced through my thumb about half way up.\n\nI immediately panicked, clasping my other hand over the thumb, and after realizing that all I was accomplishing was spreading blood around to other parts of my body, I grabbed the nearby roll of paper towels and clenched it as hard as I could to absorb as much blood as possible. 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